Last night

I found out that I do have a gag reflex!! It’s just deep in the back of my throat where no dudes can usually reach… no dudes but Sean. Jesus.

I was supposed to hang out with Russell but Russell got sick so he rescheduled

I’ve spent the past two nights with Sean. He’s a carpenter (who loves physics, weirdly) . But his work site is close to my house, so it’s easy to drop me off in the morning.

We had a little tiff about Dance Gavin dance… The fact that they’re screamo. He wanted to argue that they were more hard-core. I said let’s agree to disagree because that’s just silly. Then this guy starts acting like Eric!!

Made a huge deal out of it… saying that me saying he was in denial is a personal attack. I was like dude, wtf. This was a joke conversation that just got serious for no reason so I started to walk away. And he followed me like, “Fatima!! Come back!” And I was like no! I’m not going to stay here if you’re going to start stupid arguments like that. I might as well go home.

And he apologized. Different from Eric, completely. So I gave him a chance because he was apologetic.

But I can’t take any of that dumb shit. Especially because I’m really starting to like him, a lot.

Tonight, I’m going home so I won’t be around. He said he will miss me.

He isn’t used to waking up next to someone I guess. It’s been a year and a half since he’s been in a relationship.

Well, he’s cute. Super smart, and has a huge dick. He’s a catch so far. I don’t feel like I’m settling.

But I still want to keep things open. I don’t know, I don’t know what will happen. He is definitely not open to being open. Something inside me thinks that this really will not work.

I have a feeling he will want for me to change myself and what I do. Or that he thinks he can change it. I am going to be me until I fucking die!

No one can change me. No matter what. I reiterated this, but I think we should really talk seriously and not waste time.

I can’t just be with one guy. I can’t put all my eggs in one basket again.

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