What Do I Want…

I think the reasons why things haven’t worked out are because I’ve looked at things as this is what it’s going to be and that’s it.

What I mean is… when I started dating Eric, I told him I wanted something “somewhat serious” and we did things with that in mind.

Instead of doing that… I should just get to know people and let the relationship take its course.

So this is what I want… I don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship right now.

There are a lot of cute, brilliant, and interesting men in Albany. Many of them have their PhDs. Some have bachelors degrees. Some have no degrees but are interesting.

I can get to know these people while I’m here.

I can sleep with some of them.

I can not sleep with some of them.

This does not make me a bad person…

This makes me an exciting person that likes adventure and getting to know people my age.

But I’ve got plans this summer. This summer isn’t going to be a stupid boring summer where I’m all alone all the time.

This summer I will make the best friends I’ve ever had or will ever have, and these people aren’t going to be dorky assholes.

If they are, I will rid them with the quickness. I don’t need that bullshit. I’m working towards a goal. Actually working.

Like I’m driven. I’ve gotten here from pure determination., and I’m not going to be sad or cry about anything anymore.

Well nothing like this shit.

I said my fucked up shit out of anger. And you know, I actually believe what I said.

He knew that I had depression. Instead being a decent human being, that piece of shit only thought about himself. And he thought that I would really want to keep him around. He thought I was trying to get back with him.

Is he crazy? Lmao. Look at me, and look at him.

But really, I was scared. And I needed a friend to help me. And he’s just unable to be a decent human being.

So, I have brunch with Jeff tomorrow morning at iron gate. Then I am meeting up with Russell later on in the evening.

Dexter is coming over Monday night and will leave Tuesday afternoon… then I will go have coffee with my housemate Will Tuesday night.

And if all goes well…. I’ll just continue to make plans and do shit and remain a chemist.

This is the last actual post I will make about that guy. I’ve written everything that I needed to write. Lmao.

Oh, p.s:

This just really cracked me the fuck up… idk why. I imagined him wear a disco diva outfit with an afro hahaahahahaha

oh no… hahahahahahahahahahaha


I told that fat lazy POS off… I felt better.

I cried a little… then I found out that my upstairs neighbor also likes Radiohead!

I have friends now! So I really didn’t need him. I’m not doing anything today because my eyes are all types of fucked up. I’m just going to put some ice on them and watch the debates.

And eat pizza. I CRAVED pizza!

Lol Ethan commented on my Facebook post about chicks going on dates for food HAHAHAAHA.

I didn’t date people for food, but I thought about it!! Lol.

The article says that bitches actually put niggas in their phone as “food”

Yooo…. 😂😂😂 I’m dead.

Saaaa my fucking laaaa

When I talked to Eric about my symptoms, he seriously said to me, “please don’t think that this will get me back.”

I can’t believe I actually entertained his fat ass 😂.

I blocked his fat loser ass. He wasn’t deserving of me. He’s a Fat lazy loser:

I understand why his dad beat that ass. He should still be beating his ass honestly because he didn’t learn the first time. Hahaha

I blocked him. Go fuck yourself ERIC.

Thanks for the free food for the past 3 months… and the B+! Lmfao

You fat receding hairline fuck!

He’s a selfish asshole and I know he will NEVER GET his PhD. You can’t be that lazy and expect greatness, but then again, he’s at a shitty grad school. I seem to go for the lowest common denominator.

Fucking fat faggot ass loser.

Seriously; one thing about Eric I really fucking hated was the fact that he was never willing to apologize.

He was very indignant. I truly understand why he is single. If he doesn’t change, he might be single forever.

No woman in her right mind would be ok with being ignored and treated like they don’t exist. I now understand why his last ex tried to fuck his friend after they broke up.

It’s like, you want to fucking make him feel like the same kind of shit he made you feel like.

He’s all like “ohhh you’re showing red signs from my past” hmmm… you’re getting red signs because your LAZY ass doesn’t want to change and treat people like decent human beings.

If this is the way he is, he’s gonna get the same red flags. He’s not really a good “partner”. He’s not a very good person or friend.

That will be the last thing he hears from me.

I’m gonna wait until I know for sure before Italk to Ethan… but he would be that.