I think the reasons why things haven’t worked out are because I’ve looked at things as this is what it’s going to be and that’s it.
What I mean is… when I started dating Eric, I told him I wanted something “somewhat serious” and we did things with that in mind.
Instead of doing that… I should just get to know people and let the relationship take its course.
So this is what I want… I don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship right now.
There are a lot of cute, brilliant, and interesting men in Albany. Many of them have their PhDs. Some have bachelors degrees. Some have no degrees but are interesting.
I can get to know these people while I’m here.
I can sleep with some of them.
I can not sleep with some of them.
This does not make me a bad person…
This makes me an exciting person that likes adventure and getting to know people my age.
But I’ve got plans this summer. This summer isn’t going to be a stupid boring summer where I’m all alone all the time.
This summer I will make the best friends I’ve ever had or will ever have, and these people aren’t going to be dorky assholes.
If they are, I will rid them with the quickness. I don’t need that bullshit. I’m working towards a goal. Actually working.
Like I’m driven. I’ve gotten here from pure determination., and I’m not going to be sad or cry about anything anymore.
Well nothing like this shit.
I said my fucked up shit out of anger. And you know, I actually believe what I said.
He knew that I had depression. Instead being a decent human being, that piece of shit only thought about himself. And he thought that I would really want to keep him around. He thought I was trying to get back with him.
Is he crazy? Lmao. Look at me, and look at him.
But really, I was scared. And I needed a friend to help me. And he’s just unable to be a decent human being.
So, I have brunch with Jeff tomorrow morning at iron gate. Then I am meeting up with Russell later on in the evening.
Dexter is coming over Monday night and will leave Tuesday afternoon… then I will go have coffee with my housemate Will Tuesday night.
And if all goes well…. I’ll just continue to make plans and do shit and remain a chemist.
This is the last actual post I will make about that guy. I’ve written everything that I needed to write. Lmao.
This just really cracked me the fuck up… idk why. I imagined him wear a disco diva outfit with an afro hahaahahahaha
oh no… hahahahahahahahahahaha