Happy!

I feel happy today, for some weird reason. I just feel kinda free a little. I’m not worried if anyone is mad at me, I almost don’t really care at this point.

I just want to get everything out in the open, live. You can’t ignore me when you’re sitting right there next to me so, I think that’s the only real way I can communicate with him.

I was a little out of his league, he wore a seatbelt in the back seat for crying out loud. But I didn’t care.

I’m just cracking up uncontrollably about this situation I find myself in. It’s so stupid. It’s a little funny that I’m the one thats more into him and not the other way around, but lol truth is more hilarious than fiction I suppose.

Guys only remember you when they’re jerking off by themselves and imagining the times they needed to have their glasses on during the horizontal tango.

It’s all about compromise. I feel like some guys (Eric) are not willing to make any compromises. Sorry brrrahhh, it’s a two way street. You wanted me to stop my passive aggressive nature, you needed to be able to communicate.

I noticed that he has a receding hairline, and I always imagined him (worse case scenario) being completely bald…and I didn’t mind it. It would be kinda sexy if he grew the beard out too. But whatever, let me get over what I used to think.

something as simple as a compromise and he wasn’t willing to do it.

Personally, he might be a hit if he decided to date dudes instead. The bear look is a thing! And I honestly think that he’s personality wouldn’t bother other dudes as it does girls. We’re emotional. Some, me, are self conscious. So…kinda have to figure out what the right way to make us not self conscious.

When I get indifferent, I am horrible. I just want to keep peace.

I am going to ask him if we could go out to dinner, my treat (since he’s been paying the last 3 months or however long it’s been… ) maybe after, we can talk or talk then eat. Whatever he wants to do. I just want to be able to take him out once.

But I have really good friends, they’re all like let’s go out and beers and drink about it. Lol so I’m just getting twisted tonight for happy hour. Jesus Christ. Alcoholic Fatima is going wild, 100% in the bitch.

I got some weed kit kats, and I’m gonna use them to try to fall asleep… hopefully.

I was thinking of skipping

School today. I really didn’t want to get up this morning. It was a drag. I legitimately got an hour of sleep last night. I’m exhausted.

I’m about to get some ACN solvent from our solvent case, and drink a liter of it in kool-aid. Jonestown, nigggaaassss.

I think I would use opioids if I was ever to kill myself like that. I’d rather be high and floaty before I die then puking my guts out.

Why the fuck am I talking about techniques I could use to kill myself? God.

But seriously, fentanyl. I like opioids too much I think. I haven’t touched one in over 7 years, but I still think if I wanted to die, that would be my method.

I’m like nodding on the bus. Not because I’m high, but because I’m so tired. 9:30 is the latest I’ve ever gotten to work.

Omg I’m not even paying attention. I literally walked into a wall and almost tripped down the stairs. Fuck committing suicide… I might actually die today.

Right when I walk in, I make myself a cup of tea. It had to be earl gray because the others had no caffeine. Coffee would be better, but Max and them are huge drinkers of tea so I decided to take whatever I’m able to get for free.

I’m shocked that he isn’t in wearing that ridiculous beanie. Omg I really need to get a picture of that beanie tho! Maybe once we’re best friends (lmao).

Thank god for adult Ritalin (concerta) because I’m more awake now. I knew there was a reason I took it. (Plus before I study or do things where my full attention needs to be drawn to something).

I’m scared I might still be kinda stoned from last night. Brah, I got so lit I couldn’t even see my phone screen. The light reflecting off of it looked like little rainbow pixels.

So now my ass is ready to work, wearing a really fancy shirt, and these niggas really wanna tell me I have to clean today? I’m not getting silica gel on my shirt, bro.

God this earl grey is kinda nasty, not gonna lie.

Great… I got one hour of sleep. I’m semi-stoned, now I have to do dishes and clean the damn lab. Fuck it! I want to do chemistry. Max said he isn’t going to be here until Friday.

I guess I’m not coming in on Thursday either.

Now that I know I do dishes on Tuesdays, thanks for the heads up, Max… I now know to dress accordingly on Tuesdays. My hands smell and feel like dried acetone nail polish. Disgusting.

So we’re getting our lab inspected today I suppose. So I cleaned my hood… my new and improved hood ladies and gentlemen!:

It’s sexy now!

So I’m kinda sad that max isn’t here.

that means I’m not doing shit the rest of the day.

Maybe I can start photochemistry with the bottom spot.

All of a sudden, my stomach feels like its punching me from the inside. Goddamn, I hope I can be like this for the rest of the day.

It’s gross out too, I was looking forward to eating my lunch outside today but… looks like that is not happening.

I’m like on full in-and-out mode, like the fucking burgers on the west coast, dude.

I need qui and shunshen to hurry up with lunch, I got shit I have to do!!

Since I have Thursday off, I want to make up my time but today, I guess I’m getting cut early.

Meh, boring ass day.