Dear Men all over the world,
You may think you’re doing right by allowing your woman to walk all over you, but you are not.
It is very unattractive, to me, when a man does not have their own thoughts and opinions, and automatically flips to whatever I feel and believe.
I’ll give an example, depressed guitar player guy who didn’t shower, let’s give him a name, he is Rayquan.
Ok, so if I said, “Rayquan, jump!” He would ask, “how high?” We didn’t argue a lot (until the end) But I love basketball, and I told him I would go home and watch basketball with my brothers since he didn’t have cable. In one hour, he called a cable company type place and got it set up on his TV.
We really had very little in common. His parents were divorced, he didn’t really talk to his younger half sisters, and he was white and didn’t really have any black friends or black people around him.
I would always talk about the injustices in the world that face black people (and actually what I’m going to say is one of the reasons why I had to give up this front because he pissed me off)
I once spoke about how white people can sometimes have an inherent bias towards blacks, and he said, “why do you always harp on one topic?” “I’m all about peace and love and I don’t want to think about negative stuff like that” “I think racism happens in small individual cases that the media blows out of proportion”
I told him, “if you’re going to be in denial about this issue, I can’t be with you because you are part of the problem”
He automatically says, “it is a huge problem and it still happens today, I just don’t want to talk about it all the time”
This, ladies and gentlemen, is not attractive at all.
I would love to have a discourse with people who think I’m off base or out of line.
I’m a woman and although this may be seen as “sexiest” in some circles, I like feeling smaller than my man (physically). I like being able to defer to my man at times. I like feeling like my man is protecting me, or protective over me.
I can’t defer to you if you’re always going to go with everything I say. I won’t feel protected if you don’t have a mind of your own. Even if you are physically bigger than me, you don’t seem so when you’re meek and so easily overtaken.
The reason I want to be with someone is not because they are willing to sacrifice their own life to please me, but because I respect their opinions, their thoughts, and their feelings.
I think I discussed this at length, but he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, and I was in school trying to get my career going. I told him that I couldn’t make that decision for him, but he really needed to figure it out for this to work between us.
He told me he wanted to make music and I just kinda was like, “yeah, I don’t think that career goal is going to align with me and what I want for my life”
I didn’t tell him not to, I just told him that I wasn’t going to be with a starving artist playing guitar in a subway for cash.
So he looked at technical school or whatever those things are called.
I tried to get him to think about something he was interested in, a topic that he could see himself studying, and all he would talk about was how much money he wanted to make and how easily he wanted that money to be made.
He decided to be an electrician out of nowhere. But apparently, that class was not an easy one. I believe they had to learn about circuits just like I did in physics. If you have just a high school education, a substandard one at that, you won’t be able to hang.
Rayquan was very angry with me after I broke up with him. He blocked me off Facebook and Instagram at first… then I guess he changed his mind and unblocked me.
I hate to say this, but he would have better luck with women if he grew a pair and stood up for his opinions.
I warned him that the way he was would leave him getting taken advantage of. He didn’t want to listen, he told me that he is just a good person who would do anything for anyone.
I think he was looking for me to say, “awww that’s so cute, you’re such a good person” but instead I told him that he will be sorely mistaken if he actually thought that line of thinking of healthy and would produce a successful or healthy relationship.
Eh, I tried. I really cared about his best interests even though I wasn’t in love with him. Not all women are going to be like me. Some women would lick the sucker.
It’s like Rob Kardashian and his ex-gf Black Chyna (or whatever). He had a lot more money than Rayquan, so he was able to do this, but he bought his woman the most expensive cars, got her some fresh butt implants and other work done, got her this huge house and other things… but the girl still slept with other men, then during Christmas one year, she took their child and moved out and videotaped herself fucking some other dude and sent it to him.
That is some dirty whore shit, but I could totally see that happening to Rayquan (actually, it kinda has. He told me that one of his exes said she slept with anyone who knew who he was on purpose, and he still took her back!)
If that’s not 100% weakness, idk what else is.
The point of this story is to say that I respect a man that’s willing to stand up to me if the situation needs for me to be stood up to. I respect someone who feels something, and lets me know that’s how they feel and is unapologetic about it. I respect a man that will not waver on something that they believe with all of their heart.
So guys out there, you may think you’re doing great having your girl all pampered with no consequences for their actions that hurt you, but you really aren’t… you’re making an ass out of yourself.
Fatima, the little woman.