BTW

Max listens to Cat Power! I was so shocked! I knew there was a reason why I was in that lab.

That Russian mofo has good music taste… now please pay me well over the summer and take me off the HPLC. Thx.

Looks can be deceiving

I can admit that I really don’t know shit.

I don’t know what’s in another person’s mind, and I jump to the most extreme conclusion.

This is something that will surely get me in trouble one day. In my old age, I’ve learned to hide it. Even though I’m feeling some type of way, I’m not going to jump down his throat. I guess this feeling will cease as long as I get to know him better.

I really enjoy being around him. I look forward to seeing him again. We’ve been hanging out for a month now and it’s been going smooth.

Though he has that “annoying attribute” of considering the feelings of others over his own, that quality just shows that he’s a good person. I don’t usually get this lucky, so I will obviously have my catastrophic thoughts in the back of my head.

Anyway, I get to see his ass tomorrow. We’re gonna get lunch/dinner then watch John Wick or Preacher.

I really like how he always wants to incorporate a date, like I’m not just a body; I’m not just a piece of ass. He can actually see my mind. He likes it. This is quite different from the guys in my past….

Idk, I’m really scared of fucking this up. I really don’t want to do anything to mess this up. I feel like eventually, I will fuck it up. I just need to be myself, like I have… and have a little more patience, which I’m learning to have.

Date night

So date night was awesome Saturday.

God. He’s so sexy I like wanna fuck him where he stands right now!

Sorry, let me simmer down a bit for this blog post.

Ok so we didn’t actually fuck this weekend because of unforeseen guests his roommates had. Whatever the case, we didn’t need to. I enjoy his company a lot. We did find a tree in Washington park to make out under, like a bunch of teenagers.

Anyway, I am optimistic about this. So far no problems which is weird for me because at this time in my past relationships, the dude would be bugging out, jealous, or trying to buy my love.

I like the speed at which we are operating… and I know I would want him around a little while longer.

So in conclusion, everything is great… so far

Anxiety

So the other day, he sends me a test saying how anxious he was about this…

This was coming out of nowhere, so I asked him if he wanted to stop…

he asks me how I feel about things and I said that I really like him and I enjoy spending time with him. And he says he likes me to and he would loathe for this to end.

I asked, what the fuck do you want to do then? and he says, “can I think about it?” So I automatically thought that he just wanted to end things and let me down gently, so I told him that he knew what he wanted to do, he just had to tell me and ignore what my feelings are.

He said no, he would like to see where this goes… and I said are you sure, and he goes I’m not sure when I’ll have my next panic attack… blah blah blah.

So I said, fuck it then. Let’s stop. He says alright. Then I said idk what I did, what is wrong with me? Tell the truth…

He says, “Nothing you’re fucking awesome”

Then we went back and fourth and he goes… wait… I thought you wanted me to walk away…

Then we realized that we miscommunicated.

He said so many sweet things. I really feel he’s understanding more what this all is.

He wants to take me out of a “low key” date this Saturday. So Saturday night (s) will be our date night(s).

I am totally enjoying this with him right now. I hope he doesn’t run away. I’ve enjoyed these past few weeks.)

Ok so

Nothing bad has happened with me. Physics yet which is why I haven’t updated.

He’s really nice, and really considerate, and very fucking sexy. I think he may have told someone in the physics department about this (excluding my name hopefully). I think it will be really funny when my TA now finds out.

Let me sit in a corner and laugh hysterically plz.

Anyway, today is his birthday so I got him a special surprise. Hopefully he likes it.