Change For What?

I talk to people who think
My constant questioning of authority is a negative trait.
I look at them as pawns.
If someone tells you that you aren’t it,
Don’t think you can ever change
Whatever it is
That they’d rather replace you with.
No need to be a cuckold,
If you do what you do good.

Can’t Be Mad

Lol, men like you just make me laugh until I piss myself. For > 10 years, you’ve had the biggest fucking crush, and for years I’ve left that option open, and constantly you get meek, don’t say how you feel, and get cucked out the bando.

At one point, I will say, I really did consider it. But the more and more I really get to know you, the more I really realize that I don’t know you because you don’t even know your FUCKING SELF! 

How am I supposed to take you seriously, when you don’t present a serious personality, or a personality to be taken at face value, if at all. 

I try not to be mean, but I have to be honest, otherwise I would lose a friend (not as if I haven’t already), but I can’t consider you as anything but a friend. There’s nothing there that I can latch onto, in a romantic sense. 

So on Sunday, this nigga sends me this:

He’s been sending me shit like this prior:

I knew after the latter message that he had the wrong idea of what our relationship was… so when he sent me the former, I knew I had to make a clear stand. 

He supposedly just got out of a relationship that ended badly, and he’s stuck on the bitch, and I tried to give him advice, and he kept talking about “us”. I tried to make it clear without being a bitch that “hey, that was the past, we’re still friends and that is good”. But I guess it was lost in translation:

I guess I wasn’t absolutely clear, but I mentioned fucking his brother. That should’ve been a holy red flag. ⛳️ 

Plus he’s said this:

So i really don’t get it. He’s insane.

Anyway, on Sunday, I hung out with a school friend. We went to the mall and got fro-yo. We went Dutch so it wasn’t like a “date”. We’re friends with similar goals, and we’re in the same age range. We chilled, that was it. 

Anyway, so I’m trying to do independent research this summer, and I asked this kid if I could administer an MMPI 2 test on him, and this is what he said:

Nigga sounded like he got stomped on O.D. Dude, it’s not my fault that life doesn’t pause for me when you have feelings that are unclear. You have a serious issue in maturity, and you need to get psychological help with it before it’s too late. 

You can be mad, and that’s probably what’s best because you will NEVER be a consideration for me. I like strong people with a real personality. Someone who is unapologetically themselves, kind of like me. That’s what I want, not a meek 29, almost 30 year old who can’t even say what he really feels, immature, butt hurt, and reflecting the anger they have towards themselves on me.


My Bitchy Disposition.

What the fuck do I look like?
Trying to be with someone who doesn’t know who the fuck they are
when they wake up everyday?
Someone so desperate that they can’t decide
who they love, or wanna love?
Don’t hold your breath. This minute is mine.
This day is mine. This week is mine.
This year is mine. This life is mine. Mine.
Don’t involve yourself, dreamer.
You can’t even look at yourself in the mirror
because a clear empty reflection looks back.
Don’t play yourself, dreamer
Look too far in the future and no one will
take you seriously. Just stay.

Stressors among us

So of course, I’ve been busting ass to get perfect grades, and I’m almost there… but it’s so nerve racking. 

I’m constantly calculating my grades… I don’t want my GPA to drop too low, so I’m really trying. Of course I would have to get only 3 B’s for the rest of my college career to achieve the GPA that I desire, which is a 3.85… I know it’s not completely possible, since next semester I’m taking really hard courses, but nigga I’mma try. 

Btw, meet my new car. His name is Solomon. 

This semester needs to end. This crush I have on Kukoze is replaced stress. His fucking class is hard. That nigga wanted us to read 50 pages just to watch a movie in class today. Ugh. Sociology is cool, but he makes it confusing and the book sucks. I’m about to get stoned when I read it, cause that seems to be the only time that I understand the shit. 

I have a paper in his class still due. I just gave in a take home test. And I really need to get an A in his class. At least an A-…

After everything, I have a B in English. 

Kill me now.

To feel offended to the point that everything you stand for as a human is demeaned by one word, you may be very little.

To strip the lackluster of English language, and sand it down to the core Latin, past the Greek… it’s like we’re speaking Afrikaans.

When it’s too left to speak out and too right to control, three lefts make a right, maybe also two wrongs do.
The wrong of saying the word, and a subsequent scrubbing of the entire sentence, forgetting its meaning.
We all then become sensitive, with no ability to accept someone’s honest candor. 
The world goes round if we all communicate with each other, sometimes that means hearing a word you don’t like, but what context was it in? 

Does it even matter anymore?

It’s like Fatima don’t have feelings; Because every time you do get feelings you get let down, But it’s kinda hard to not have feelings, when there are so many fishes in the sea that are attracted to you. 

Obviously, I study human nature, and I know why I have way too many expectations that no motherfucker is ever going to level up to… 

it’s odd having to go backwards, and hit up Mr. “I know that we are not going to be anything”. For the ~lolz.

Can I please hang out with someone that I would enjoy hanging out with? Is that possible? It is kinda scary. I don’t know if that’s feelings, or if that’s just enjoying being around someone, if that is feelings, those are my feelings, or lack there of. Fuck feelings.

They’re inappropriate.