I Want Nothing…

How could I have been so dumb these past few years? I feel for something. Something I thought was someone. And what makes me even more angry is the comparisons. 

I couldn’t really have a joyful happy relationship with any man because of what Artie did to me. I was scarred by the whole thing. I always thought that I was being used or that they were lying to me. Even the most minuscule thing could’ve been a fucking lie and I was just not in the place to handle a lie of any magnitude. 

Maybe not even now. But Definately not then. My mind was in the wrong place. I wanted to have fun but I wanted something more too. And to me that proved that I was important to someone.

Now of course, I can give a shit less. Because I know that the cards are already dealt for me. What other real choice do I have. If it happens, it does. And if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. That’s the plan that was set for me.

I know that I have to work my black ass off to get anything. Especially the things I want. So I’m not letting anything get in my way or distract me. I know I can do it. So that’s what I’m gonna do. 

This is the last thing I said to that useless bastard.


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