It’s Never Gonna Be That Easy…

I find it funny that these guys still think that this shit is just going to be that easy like…

Oh, she likes white guys so she obviously would like me. Uh, no. I liked some white guys but they had the “golden characteristics”. Well the white guys that I haven’t cut off. If I cut you off, the reason probably is that you arent really the type of person that I want to waste my time tryna fuck with, or you were uber fake, or you got caught lying… Or all three. but anywhooo, if i continued to fuck with you and didn’t start ignoring you or getting annoyed by you, you have something.

Every white boy gets compared to the gold standard of white boys which is Artie. HE HAS EVERYTHING! Personality wise. he was creative and ultra smart. And our conversations were so interesting. 

There was city boy who was creative and smart but he was also ultra pretentious and his personality was flat. So he got cut off.

But he had cool stuff and that shouldn’t be a reason you’re sleeping with someone. But it was mine. 
This new year I’m focusing on personalities and not what whoever can do sexually or what kind of stuff whomever has. Because at the end of the day, you won’t die with that stuff. That stuff can disappear in an instant but you’ll always have who you are. And that is what I will have to learn to like. City boy reminded me of a crumpled blank page. Personality wise.

If you ain’t about anything, it’s easy to see. It was easy for me, I saw it. But I wanted to hang out in the city and get away from home. Now that I’m driving, I don’t need that. I can just drive somewhere. Haha.

When it comes to sex, God Artie was a fucking beast. And it was just really hot. And we just went on all night doing all types of crazy shit on his pool table. Shit, I’ll never forget that.

But…I’m not dumb, I know the shit that feels the best is the worst thing for you. 

I was just too late. I’m almost always a little late. 

So do I let my outer and inner beauty go to waste and cry about it? or let the right person come along while I’m getting everything together? Option two, bitch.

I’m not weird for not wanting certain Caucasians as friends. I’m smart and I’ve never felt better after cutting all of them out of my life. Being careful helps soothe my anxiety.

Everyone’s gotta prove that they’re not a liar/bad person to get as little as fucking syllable out of me. I’m ok with being alone if these are the kind of people I need to choose between. I’m not thirsty. 


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