When You Realize You’re Allergic to Something You Like

As a person, I can say that I feel alright. Like emotionally and whatnot. I realize that my depression pops up at certain moments.

So because I realize this and it’s pretty not worth it, im taking a backseat. I’ve always been allergic to the things that I like. That is the part that makes me depressed. It’s so easy and I should be able to indulge for once.

Sugar, men, drugs, alcohol.

The truth is, I’ve been the one that has been indulged upon. Not the other way around and if I continue to allow that,  I’ll continue getting sick.

So I’ll like these things, but Learn to grow out of them. And hopefully I can build up an immunity to them. Probably not though. But I can be wishful and think. 

My trust and emotion for things are flat. Oh well. 

I had an actual conversation with Fabio. I didn’t throw myself at him. I played it cool. It wasn’t deep. Shit about how we feel about the store. Meh. He liked something I posted on facebook. It’s weird. Idk. I’m not really trying to focus on my stupid girl crush. 

Hanging out with someone you know has a crush on you but also has a girlfriend is dangerous but I did it. Nothing happened. We chilled as friends. I was sick so I wasn’t capable of doing anything intense. I don’t think I’m capable to doing anything I’m not sure on. Or anything in this great state. I’m ready to leave.

The only things I’ve noticed within myself is my skin is brightening up. I don’t have those dark circles anymore and my eyes are bright and perky. I now don’t mind looking in the mirror. 

When I’m depressed I start looking like shit. I don’t walk or talk with confidence. My hair looks like shit, no amount of makeup can cover how shitty I felt but lately, that hasn’t been an issue. I’m happy that I’m me. And I think I’m beautiful. I’m not full of myself though. I know that I’m flawed. I’m able now to look at it differently. It’s not that bad. It could really be worse.

After my restcation, catching up on a lot of sleep… I woke up and didn’t really fret anymore. Or care for that matter. Although I’m still sick. Meh…

Somewhat bright-eyed.

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